i like to think of myself as a deep guy...i love all kinds of deeps: pesto deep, spinach and artichoke deep, and, my favorite, our homemade, world famous, taco deep...

nyeknyeknyek...annoying

that's the kind of hirit that i wouldnt find funny, unless i was really tired and needed a joke, any joke, to cheer me up. its kinda like how when you're fasting. anything you look at thats edible suddenly becomes appetizing. but if i were in a normal mood, i wouldnt appreciate an attempt at humor like that whatsoever, which is weird because im the one who said (or typed, if you want to be technical) it just now. so can i be annoyed with myself? well, this leads me to my topic for today: if you, as you are now, were to meet yourself, as you are now, how would you find yourself? o diba...i told you i was deep...

ive thought about this question quite a number of times, usually at those moments when there's nothing to do, like in school during a lecture. ive imagined scenarios where i meet myself, because while i like to think that my charming personality can override the circumstances, i must face the fact that the specific situation will play a great part in influencing the results of the encounter. so i play the situations over and over in my mind...how would i respond to my own greeting? would i be in a good mood or bad one? would i be charmed by my own personality, or would i come on too strong and be turned off at my own brashness? now, this may seem like a very narssicistic (narcissistic? narsisitic? whatever...) way of thinking. but, it can also be a good exercise to develop self-awareness. i personally think, id annoy myself at least half the time...

well, that's as far as i got...im still trying to translate the other stuff from brain chemistry to actual words and sentences. so im putting it up for observation... please feel free to write your comments (just as i feel free to ignore them. hehe). but seriously, it always helps to have something to work on. like the tomato thing came from linny having mentioned sundried tomatoes in one of her posts. so fire away!

tomatoes...

such a simple word with ("toh" - "may" - "toes") three syllables. but it stirs up so many memories, and of so many different varieties too. one is the attack of the killer tomatoes (atttaaaacccckk ofthekillertomaaaatooooees...). this was a cartoon from when i was younger...it involved a world where mutant tomatoes grew mouths and teeth (i dont remember if they grew arms and legs, but they must have or else they wouldn't be much of a threat, hanging from stalks until they became overipe and plopped to the ground). Anyway, these mutant tomatoes or killer tomatoes (hence the latter part of the title) began attacking (hence the earlier part of the title) humans everywhere, threatening our very existence (what doesn't these days?). And the only hope for humanity was a ragtag bunch of...i can't remember exactly...but there was a guy, a tomato who was good, and a girl who looked normal enough (even cute for a cartoon character), but would turn into a tomato when she got wet, or something. weird memory...

i used to dread tomatoes when i was younger. i'm not really into vegetables, and the ones i utterly despised, were okra (i still hate okra), eggplant (i also still hate eggplant), green beans (don't make me say it), and tomatoes (i LOVE tomatoes). i used to hate tomatoes so much i wouldnt let the rest of my food touch the portion of the plate that a tomato slice rested on, even after the slice had been removed...i hated tomatoes so much, if my parents made me eat it, i'd stay behind at the dinner table, staring at my plate for up to two hours in silent protest...

that all changed when my mom made me try this tomato dish...here's how it is...imagine a dish, around two inches deep...now cut up a few medium sized tomatoes, not all the way mind you, just make cuts, like you're quartering it, but only halfway down the tomato, so that it opens up. now arrange several such tomatoes in the dish. stuff a few basil leaves into the cavity of the tomatoes, sprinkle grated mozzarella cheese on top, making sure that they cover the cracks of these over-sized berries. (because, that's what tomatoes are, closer to berries than any other plant, more fruit than vegetable) now, bake the dish of tomatoes until they are soft and the cheese has melted. now, be prepared to enjoy heaven...spoon out a single tomato, or eat out of the dish, the tomatoes should be soft, merely poking a fork into the skin causes some of its juices to squirt out. the cheese, should have filled the tomato and run out through the slices on the sides, while the basil leaves lend their flavor to the entire mixture...it's nothing short of heavenly.

this dish alone caused a revolution on my tastebuds...suddenly i had a craving for tomatoes...one of my favorite tomato dishes is the tomato soup in kitchen, called i say tomato you say tomato...when i first read it i thought, what the? then i realized that it's from that phrase, "i say tomato (pronounced to-MAY-to) you say tomato (pronounced to-MAH-to)" but i never pronounce it that way when i order, of course, lest someone overhear and think that im trying to act all saucy and stuff. hehe.

but then again, i dont care if anyone should think that. they'd be judging me prematurely. i know im not saucy or feeling or anything, so it shouldnt bother me. i know that if they got to see the real me, then they wouldnt think that way at all. but why do i still feel bugged by it then?

the answer: because i do that myself. i have a tendency to judge things right away. thinking that my limited perception and experience (if any at all) is the sum total of the entity, and i proceed to neatly summarize its existence, stubbornly believing that my verdict is flawless and absolute. who do i do this to? well, many such examples spring to mind, places i didnt want to visit, movies i thought weren't worth watching, books that i considered a waste of time, and people that i didnt bother to get to know. such instances remind me how wrong i was to pre-judge and make me regret all the wasted time and opportunities i had with these people, places, and things.

of all of these examples, one stands starkly in the foreground. the epitome of all the times that i havent given something a chance and judged it wrongly, only to regret my actions in the end. and that example is...




THE TOMATO

no other object or person has suffered more from my prejudices...the derision i had showed, the repulsion i had expressed at the mere sight of a slice on my plate, the way i would recoil from any dish with the slightest presence of tomatoes (except spaghetti of course, i love spaghetti) like superman from kryptonite...and all the while, the lovely, delectable, sweet, gentle tomato was patiently waiting for me to mature beyond my irrational behavior, till i was finally willing to open my eyes (figuratively of course, i had always SEEN tomatoes. so maybe i should say "...willing to open my tastebuds." but that just sounds silly).

so i guess the lesson is, don't knock it till you've tried it. who knows whether or not that new person might be one of your best friends ever...or that movie may turn out to be your favorite...or you might fall in love with that new book and buy all of the author's other works...or that one dish, cuisine, or food product might just be the one to set off the fireworks on your tongue.

but i still hate eggplant, okra, and green beans.

At last...How I have longed to release my pent-up emotions...to remove the dikes (as in "the walls that hold water back, like a dam", not as in "lesbians") that have prevented the free-flowing gush of pure expression...and now that I have the will to do so, what better place to do it than on the internet where they may be displayed for all the world to see...

But all that just goes against my principles for living...See, I'm a firm believer in the wisdom that can be found in the Godfather series...especially the first two. the third isnt as good because of Sophia Coppolla (or however her name is spelled). She even screwed up her dying scene...*thud*..."dad?"...*slump*...arrgghh... annoying

you know what else is annoying? when the taho vendor skims the taho so lightly from the top so it takes forever for the cup to be filled. and here you are, this really excited kid, holding your ten pesos (coz the price went up), you can barely wait to taste it because you've finally convinced your parents to let you have some and that it's safe coz the rumor about it being full of chalk isnt true (besides, it's not like chalk will kill you...coz i had a friend...well, no...not really a friend, he was kinda a friend, you know, sometimes a friend and sometimes not...anyway, this guy once ate a stick of chalk, coz the teacher made him, and he's still alive) ANYWAY, you finally get to have your first cup of taho in months and the vendor is just taking his sweet old time, shaving little slivers off the top!!! I mean, why not scoop the taho out, plop it into the cup, pour the sauce in, add the sago. it'll be done in three steps!!! but NO...he has to go *schick,schick,schick* scraping thin layers each time...

Actually, that's an old petpeeve...I asked a taho vendor once why he did it that way. And he said that if he did it my way (coz i explained it to him, three simple steps and all), the taho would crumble and it wouldnt taste as good...So now I'm glad he does it that way, coz it's hard to find a good cup of decent taho nowadays. You've got so many of those pre-packaged stuff in groceries, but very few are close to the real thing, and it's always the original that sets the standard.

Kinda like the Godfather...among all the mafia movies, none have come close to it, and that is why I belive in the wisdom of the Godfather series, especially that which can be found in the first two movies, because the third movie isn't as good, (thanks in no small part to sophia coppolla).

None of this makes sense...I read it all over again, and realize there is no coherent thought...But that's alright, because as the Godfather, Vito Corleone, told his eldest son Santino, "Never let anyone know what you're thinking."